Cannot receive any imessages to my telephone number (Waiting for Activation)

So, I changed my iTunes password about a week ago. Ever since then, I have been unable to receive imessages to my telephone number on my iPhone 4. I only receive them to my iTunes email address. When I go to settings>messages and try to turn off and on the imessage activation, I get one of two messages:

1) Waiting for Activation
2) Activation Failed

And, when it does happen to work, my telephone number is greyed out. Only my email address is checked off for getting messages. But the Waiting for Activation message remains regardless of whether I get imessages to my email address.

This has been an utter nightmare. I have people sending me text for work and cannot get anything from them. It's not practical to send everyone my iTunes email address to have them text me.

So, I did everything imaginable. I reset settings. I Erased all Content and Settings. I did not restore from backup. I even took it to the Apple store where they did the same thing and then some DFU(?) or factory reset. And nothing helped.

Apple store claimed that because it's out of warranty, than 1 year old, they can do nothing.

So, resigned myself to the idea that I would need to upgrade. Could be worse, right?

But, then the same thing happened to my wife's phone when she changed her iTunes password two days ago on her iPhone 4S. And, she depends on those texts from clients in her contractor business.

Any ideas?

Thank you